So I have something to say, which is in part, the purpose of this blog. So someone recently told me that they try not to read the blog because they judge me based on what I write. Which I think is funny. Now I told this person that I am not really bothered if you want to judge what I have to say. In fact, I do not edit what I write for this precise reason – when we are speaking from our heart we are not proofreading just in case it doesn’t come across quite as we would like it to be.
Obviously Papa works with me in a particular way, in how he speaks to me and I believe that this is very well reflected in the blog. For instance, The Chamber of Sorrows. I know that I once wrote that‘No one likes the chamber of sorrows.’ But I have to digress because the truth is that I do love it, I really do, I see the beauty in this intricately woven place, and for the awesome gift of being able to see it. You see in the place of immense pain, there truly is joy. And there is such a beauty to me, about that whole thing. To be shown it in the first place, to have walked those corridors, and mostly to look back down a long corridor and to see how far you have come.
I am sure this is a little like how I felt looking down the lengths of Lulu’s home at a raccoon staring back at me.
And all of this truly serves to remind me that as far as I have come in my short life, as far as I have gone to places which I never even thought were possible…that I am now in this season of ‘nothing’.
I do not mean that I feel a void or even emptiness, but that as I look down this corridor I know that NOTHING before now matters. And it hits me, with suddenness with as much as I know or have learned or experienced that it actually means nothing. That the whole functionality of our walk with Papa requires this willingness on our behalves to venture forward into places where other people have not gone…that it is as simple as this. In order to go where no person has gone before, we first have to go to those places with Papa…and all of the knowledge, and intellect, and reasoning, and logic, and experience, and whatever else there is – all of that, is NOTHING.
And I cannot even emphasize the importance of this to you! But, all the same. You see, I would love to go into detail and just rant on about the importance of there being a room called, ‘The Room of I Don’t Care’. Because it would just be so brilliant, but the truth is – that when spiritually speaking we have drawn a line in the sand, then we are onto something amazing. Then that room changes for us, and when we look around we do not see the same hurt and pain. Drawing that line in the sand, is like drawing a line on your heart. It is this thing where we say to Papa in all genuineness, ‘Whatever this walk is, whatever this journey is, wherever you want me to go, regardless of the difficulties, whatever it is – I AM IN.’
And it is not a brash youth conference type of statement, and I am not even sure that there is a name for it. There is no sanctification, baptism, consecration name or prayer for it.
But I don’t know about you, or possibly even know you at all. But maybe, there is a chance, that you don’t want to spend the rest of your days dancing in puddles, and swimming in creeks…because maybe the more time that you spend there, the more discontent that you feel, and over time eventually, you cry out for something deeper, something more tangible, something that feels less controlled and more real. Maybe, all you really want to do is take that leap into the deepest of waters.
And I adore the question posed in Job. ‘Have you walked the ocean floor?’
I cannot explain this place of nothing, but I know any measure that has been experienced up until this point is insufficient. I mean, are we really content to stay where we are…or are we eager to dive right in?
