The Unconventional Crossroads

I have been thinking about crossroads these days, and it reminds me of all of the questions which we ask ourselves when we come to a crossroad. Our primary questions surround which way to go. Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life.’ And this answers every persons questions in life. We want to know which way to go, we want to know what the truth is, and we want to know how to live the abundant life. It reminds me of the muppet movie when Fozzie and Kermit are driving along and see a giant fork in the road.

Now the important thing here aside from the fact that Jesus is the answer, and as long as we are walking with Him, then all else works itself out is this thing of an unconventional crossroad. This is where our journey comes to a significant crossroad, and we have to make a definitive decision that whatever was behind us, is not what is before us.

I was raised by a hippie preacher, and he once said to me, ‘It has been a long time since I have met someone who has radical faith.’

Now when we think of someone being radical or unconventional we tend to think of biblical characters like John the Baptist. The truth is, his attire, and his diet is not what made him radical or unconventional – it was his response to his purpose. Let’s face it, John did not waver, he did not cater to a certain crowd, he was not well known for saying conventional things. He was not hanging out in the synagogues, having polite conversations about the deeper meaning of the talmud. He was not living life as they expected him to live.

And this is the christian walk in a nutshell. I recently read someone’s summary of their christian walk.‘…there’s no better feeling than when you know you’re being true to who you are and to who God made you to be, even if what you have to say and the things you do might not be liked or understood by everyone.’

I believe that we all come to this unconventional crossroads and we decide who it is that we really want to serve. Being radical is not being a lone wolf, it is not being ‘disfellowshipped’, it is not being bitter or hurt by the mainstream church, it is not changing your attire and diet to something strange. Being radical, begins in our heart, as we allow him to work in us, and show us that this walk is unconventional, it is radical, and it is unexplainably the best decision you could ever make.

I think, we all come to a point in our journey, in our walk, in our relationship – and it is a decision where we have to seriously ask ourselves what we really want from our journey, what we want from Papa. Truth is, I would rather be considered radical and full of faith, then I would to just keep plodding around on the road.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life…and I believe there is much more to this journey than what we have seen so far. I also believe that the more radical we become in our relationship with Him, that more will be required from us.

Radical Christianity

Ok, so I have been thinking more and more about this issue of radical christianity, and there are several things which has brought me to this topic. 

Firstly, I believers that as lovers of the king that we desire to be radical in our faith, but too often we are dismayed when we cannot meet this expectation to exist in this ministerial role. So, our concept is that we should be preaching the gospel 24/7, standing on a soap box somewhere, condemning the sins of the world. Now there are a couple of issues with this idea. For one, it is not all that rational to think that somehow all of our needs are going to be met simply because when we are shouting the word of God out to the masses that we appear to be passionate. In addition you have to ask where is this expectation coming from? 

Secondly, I believe it is a deception, to believe that we have to be that way in order to be considered radical. No way. Guess what, when you aren’t doing this thing 24/7, then all of a sudden you feel condemned and ashamed and may even feel like you are a failure as a christian. And if you are a failure, you are in large part completely ineffective.

Thirdly, we do not properly evaluate what our purpose is. If each of us has been given a particular gift, or a calling then our expectation may be false on many levels. You know, we can hear an evangelist speak a highly motivating message about how we need to be out there having these open air meetings with millions of people. But if this was true then we could just get the entire world saved, with no basis for true relationship with Papa. We need to understand our purpose, and in many cases have it rekindled. Too many times in the church people are guessing at what other people should be doing. Next thing you know, you have had ten conflicting prophecies about what your calling is and you are more confused than ever before. When was the last time you heard it said that someone was called to be a professional musician? But do you doubt that Papa has gifted people to be musically inclined?

Fourthly, and I believe that this is the most important thing. And since Michael Jackson passed away I have heard some amazing reports on how much he loved people, how generous he was, and how much judgement he faced in his lifetime. And this is what it comes down to. And I used this illustration of MJ because everyone has their own opinion on this celebrity icon. But are we capable of loving someone and existing judgement free regardless of what the truth is? I believe it is not only possible, but very attainable. In psychology, this is called the ‘one down’ position – which is an approach to people which requires that one never assumes that they are above or superior to someone else, that they never assume that they are on the same level, and they never even guess that perhaps they are inferior – in fact, the one down position is one which requires zero judgement. And it is the position which people have the most difficulty with. The truth is we all have our judgements, not only of other people but of ourselves. You see, in most instances you discover that whatever information that judgement was based on was a falsity. It is wasted energy based upon some false precipice.

I believe that radical christianity is not the call of converting the masses and then moving onto the next area and converting more. I do not believe that radical christianity is serving in the many programs and affiliations in the church today. I do not believe that radical christianity is found in any of these places. Radical christianity comes as a result of allowing Papa to stretch our heart muscles and love people, regardless of what is happening in their lives, regardless of what people say about them, regardless of imprisonment, regardless of incarceration, regardless of how they look, talk, seem, or appear to be. Radical christianity is a heart thing, and it begins to happen when we allow all of the falsities of our judgmental nature to fall away as we embrace wholeheartedly this thing of loving. How about we start our radical journey by loving those whom we really don’t want to.

The Substitute

When we were little we were told a lot of things, some were true, some were myths, some were old wives tales, the media machine presented some, and others were passed down by word of mouth. We were told that if we ate the seeds of fruit that a tree would grow in our stomach, we were told that if we swallowed our chewing gum that it would stay in our stomachs for as long as three years up until eternity. We were told that if we didn’t wear a coat that we would catch our death. We were told if we stayed out after the streetlights turned on that it was unsafe. We were told that the lead in our paint, and in our blinds was safe, and it was used in dishes. We were told that asbestos was safe, and it was lined in schools everywhere.

Now we know that all of these things are untrue. You know it says, ‘know the truth, and it shall set you free’. And most of what we think we know to be true we actually learned in our formative years. And those things aren’t nearly as interesting to see debunked, as it is to look back on what we believed, to look back on what we were told about Papa, and pursue with all sincerity what the truth about Him actually is.

I was given a version of who God was. He was to be feared, He was always watching my every move, He was a King, a harsh king to be feared, and He was a punisher. And there was all of these contradictions, all of these opinions – and in addition to whatever it is that we are told, we also have the observations of how we see other people living that profess to know Him intimately.

And all of this forms this opinion of who God is.

I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t convinced that a tree was going to sprout in my stomach, or that my gum was stuck in my stomach with this sprouting apple tree. I never caught my death from not wearing a coat. And the same people who told us all of these things were the same people who told us that Santa Claus was real, and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy were very real.

So maybe, we should not hold too firmly onto the things, which we learned, in those formative years.

You see this is a substitute truth. In replace of the truth, of veritas we find a more convenient truth. It is one that easily fits into our worldview. If we grow up in poverty, our worldview is shaped around this. There is something in us that has absorbed into our beings what we believe. It is so easy to believe that we have a very strict, rigid God especially if that is how our parents were.

You know any substitute is not as good as the real thing. It adds a different flavor to things, but it is not the original. It is not authentic; it is a distorted version of the original masterpiece.

You know what I believe about this whole Christianity thing, is that if our saviour, our King of Kings, our lion of the tribe of Judah – if our beloved was so radical that his own people wanted to murder Him…then what is our walk supposed to be like? Radical. And I think, too often we get stuck living this substitute truth, the other version that is ineffective.

How about, we ask this question – what truth am I following after? And is that truth really my beloved?

More and more I encounter people who want to know this radical Jesus and not the watered down version. Not the one from Sunday school stories. And more often I find, that I don’t need to know the truth – I want to know it and that there is a huge difference between the two.

I am asking the question.

Are we living our lives based upon a substitute, or are we living our lives on this amazing, radical journey because we really do know our Papa?

Take the Journey

Ok, so I wanted to examine a bit more into this statement which I made from the book of Job. So Job knows God, and the whole bit right, and he is discussing with his friends what he knows about God. However, then God speaks. And that is kind of where this discussion ends with ‘And then God speaks’. And so God asks Job a series of questions concerning his knowledge. He asks him if he was there at creation, if he was there as the world was formed, was he there to see the mighty beast of the earth, and finally, have you walked the ocean floor?

This is the depth of understanding, because as much as we know of God we do not understand THESE things! And this is my point exactly. Whatever you think you know about God, whatever you think about ‘the way’, whatever it is that you think you have a grasp of – well you don’t. Honestly, what we do understand is the foundations. We understand the basis of these things. But our understanding is limited, it really is. And where the problem lies is that as begin to grow in our relationship with God, that we come to this false belief that we are doing so well on our walk with God. But the reality is that is a false security and it is a total and complete lie. Let me ask you this, did the disciples ever truly understand Jesus? They had three years, day to day with Him. Ok, they didn’t have the Holy Spirit but they did have a relationship with Him. So what did they really understand about Him?

You see they understood the fundamentals of who He was, and is. They understood on a very limited level, and they got to see all of these amazing things – but the word says that we would see even greater things…but how will we see greater things if we are not willing to take our understanding, our relationship with Papa to a new level?

I love the question God asks Job of ‘Have you walked the ocean floor?’ because it is like Him saying to Job, ‘Yes, you understand, you have a knowledge of me – but you only know me in a limited way – but do you really think you know me as much as this?’

And that is the point! We understand. We have an understanding, and we believe, and have faith, and we trust in Him. But do we really understand Him in that way. Do we know Him in such an intense way that we can even understand what He means when He speaks to us. When He says one sentence to us – do we really get it? When we are in distress does He always have to send someone else to us because we aren’t getting what He is telling us? When we have visions or dreams is the message clear to us?

Or do we have to chase after Him for the answers? Do we have to ask people what it means? The truth is, when He speaks to us it should be clear. Could you imagine if God went to Moses or Abraham and gave Him an instruction but they were stuck pondering it for the next ten years? I mean to the point that they had to go back and investigate, and go and take a course called something like, ‘Are you hearing from God?’

You know what? Whatever it is that you believe about God, it is probably wrong. Go and examine the things which you said a year ago, or even ten years ago. Is it really enough to only understand the fundamentals? I mean and this is the best question which God ever asked me. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM PAPA? And I don’t mean something that is a material object like a new computer, or a new Ipod…but what do you really at the core of your very being – what do you really want from Him? And even more so, is what you have in your relationship with Him really enough? God is all sufficient – but is maintaining a limited knowledge of Him enough for us?

It is not enough for me. What I know now is not enough. Where my level of faith is, well that is not far enough. The things which He has shown me in the last however many years is NOTHING and I truly believe that. And I think this is why I call this a season of nothing…because whatever I have understood up until now is nothing in comparison with what He wants to reveal to me and to you! It is nothing.

Our hearts cry should be, ‘let nothing hinder me from getting to where you need me to be, let nothing hold me back from your love, and let nothing prevent me from knowing you in the amazing intensity which you have called us to, and let nothing be bigger than your redemption for our lives.’ And we really need to grasp that the work of the cross enables us to live this kind of life.

And do you know what it requires from us? It is a lot like love. We have to choose it.

And you know what I am tired of hearing, these christian mantras on this whole thing of consecrating ourselves to God. If you are not willing to go, then don’t say that you will. If you really do not want it, then do not profess that you do. Just be honest.

You know what I want to know, tell me the truth. Do you want all that He has for you? Come on, if you really want to know God in a much deeper way, then TAKE THE JOURNEY!

The Depths of His Being

So I have something to say, which is in part, the purpose of this blog. So someone recently told me that they try not to read the blog because they judge me based on what I write. Which I think is funny. Now I told this person that I am not really bothered if you want to judge what I have to say. In fact, I do not edit what I write for this precise reason – when we are speaking from our heart we are not proofreading just in case it doesn’t come across quite as we would like it to be.

Obviously Papa works with me in a particular way, in how he speaks to me and I believe that this is very well reflected in the blog. For instance, The Chamber of Sorrows. I know that I once wrote that‘No one likes the chamber of sorrows.’ But I have to digress because the truth is that I do love it, I really do, I see the beauty in this intricately woven place, and for the awesome gift of being able to see it. You see in the place of immense pain, there truly is joy. And there is such a beauty to me, about that whole thing. To be shown it in the first place, to have walked those corridors, and mostly to look back down a long corridor and to see how far you have come.

I am sure this is a little like how I felt looking down the lengths of Lulu’s home at a raccoon staring back at me.

And all of this truly serves to remind me that as far as I have come in my short life, as far as I have gone to places which I never even thought were possible…that I am now in this season of ‘nothing’.

I do not mean that I feel a void or even emptiness, but that as I look down this corridor I know that NOTHING before now matters. And it hits me, with suddenness with as much as I know or have learned or experienced that it actually means nothing. That the whole functionality of our walk with Papa requires this willingness on our behalves to venture forward into places where other people have not gone…that it is as simple as this. In order to go where no person has gone before, we first have to go to those places with Papa…and all of the knowledge, and intellect, and reasoning, and logic, and experience, and whatever else there is – all of that, is NOTHING.

And I cannot even emphasize the importance of this to you! But, all the same. You see, I would love to go into detail and just rant on about the importance of there being a room called, ‘The Room of I Don’t Care’. Because it would just be so brilliant, but the truth is – that when spiritually speaking we have drawn a line in the sand, then we are onto something amazing. Then that room changes for us, and when we look around we do not see the same hurt and pain. Drawing that line in the sand, is like drawing a line on your heart. It is this thing where we say to Papa in all genuineness, ‘Whatever this walk is, whatever this journey is, wherever you want me to go, regardless of the difficulties, whatever it is – I AM IN.’

And it is not a brash youth conference type of statement, and I am not even sure that there is a name for it. There is no sanctification, baptism, consecration name or prayer for it.

But I don’t know about you, or possibly even know you at all. But maybe, there is a chance, that you don’t want to spend the rest of your days dancing in puddles, and swimming in creeks…because maybe the more time that you spend there, the more discontent that you feel, and over time eventually, you cry out for something deeper, something more tangible, something that feels less controlled and more real. Maybe, all you really want to do is take that leap into the deepest of waters.

And I adore the question posed in Job. ‘Have you walked the ocean floor?’

I cannot explain this place of nothing, but I know any measure that has been experienced up until this point is insufficient. I mean, are we really content to stay where we are…or are we eager to dive right in?

Worship Him

So I have been writing a fair bit about the patriarchs these days, but I would like to set those discussions aside and talk a bit about Job. Now I have to admit, if you had asked me a few years ago I would have told you that Job was one of my favorite books in the bible. Which a lot of people might consider to be, well somewhat peculiar. I really think this book just encompasses human frailty and the response to tragedy and inner turmoil.

I would encourage you to read Job 1:13-19 to see the beginning of the shift in Job’s life. But really it is verse 20 which registers with me, ‘At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship.’

I love this, I really do. Job loses everything all in one go, and while one messenger is telling him the bad news, more and more messengers arrive with more and more bad news. I don’t know how long of a time period this is, but his response is simply astounding.

And you know I have never really said much about my ‘Job’ experience, and I realize part of this is because it was such a personal thing that whenever I said anything to anyone about this – that it was like a little nugget which didn’t make much sense. And I think this is probably how Job’s friends felt about his statements.

And I am not even sure that I will discuss my experience here because there is so little that I can even say about it that would be comprehendible. And yet, I can tell you this much that my entire walk with God was unhinged…and it is this one experience which changed the shape of things in my life so dramatically that I moved from a place where people changed their descriptions of me from ‘torn’ to ‘a woman of endurance’.

Now I was recently explaining this whole thing to Jenny Rousson, and I have to say it is so odd to be re-telling something which was so brutal to go through, and yet to be fine talking about it as if it were a random incident on the way to work or something.

In reality it was 18 months long. And I tell it like this. I had chosen to fly to Canada to see my Dad because he had a stroke and they didn’t think he was going to make it. I fly to Canada and within 24 hours of arriving I find out that my in-laws have taken custody of my son, and they wont be returning him. Yeah, so this is not what I call a pleasant experience.

And I cannot get any answers from anyone. So once, I return to England I am stripped of everything possible…, which is all, encompassed in this betrayal.

Now while this is all going on around me, and this is the key. God reminds me of a request which I had of Him before I ever got on that airplane. I think most people would be praying for healing, or resurrection, or something like that. And while I firmly believe in healing being a very real thing – the more I talked to God about it, the more I knew that this was not one of those times. And Papa had asked me a question, ‘What do you want from me Laurie?’

You see this is one of those times, like when God asked Solomon what was the one thing he wanted for himself. And finally I went to God and told him what I wanted. And whenever I thought, this whole thing of losing everything, being stripped of your child, and your friends, your position, and the whole bit. Anytime I thought about it, I was reminded of what I told Papa that I wanted from Him. So no matter how conflicted I was, and how many people told me to lawyer up and deal with the situation legally I knew this one thing.

And I believe that Job knew it as well. It does not matter what anyone says to you when you are in a place of intense distress, there is no humanly comfort, and there are no words of solace for you. There is no sweetness, or joy, or reprise.

It is the one thing. When you are in a situation where you are powerless to change it, then who do we go to? You run to Papa, and for me I realized this was my time. Yes, Papa was answering my prayer. He was giving me that one thing which I had asked of Him. And people didn’t like that I had even asked Him for it, and they told me that I had no right to ask God for such a thing. I faced immense criticism and judgment.

Do you really want to know what I did? I found out who God says He is, and I found out who He says I am.

And it unhinged me in a way that I just don’t think I could ever put into words. And everything on my journey, everything about who I am, and what I believe relates to this one experience.

And I will tell you this. Ask God for what you want, what you need and never let anyone tell you different because when He answers you and He shows up in your life then no one will say anything about it…but if you don’t ask you will never know.

And this is why whomever I talk to, I never try to persuade them to go to church, say some randomly written intense prayer, I don’t tell them they are a horrid sinner, and are going to burn in hell.

I tell them one thing, ‘Find out who He is.’ Because for me, finding out who He is changed my world. And I have no regrets or ill feelings about the circumstances I found myself in; in fact I am grateful for it. Because it got something to me and through me that I never could have imagined.

And why do I mention Job in all of this. Job’s response to all of these horrible things that happened was to worship God. And that is what our response should be as well.